I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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