Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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