six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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