you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
