his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
