turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
