he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
