I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
