Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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