Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
