Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
