I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
