You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
