You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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