watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
