my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
