i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
