Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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