Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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