so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
