I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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