I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
