I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
