Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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