Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize