dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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