Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
