well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
