Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
