he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
