i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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