White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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