I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
