You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
