Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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