would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
