I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You can't special order awesome
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize