Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
