She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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