My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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