Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
