if you like me you must not know who I am
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize