He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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