I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
