he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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