Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I currently don't understand fingers.
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