So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
