i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize