Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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