...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ttyl tear gas
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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