dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
