gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
