Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
