I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
