there's paper in my vomit.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
