good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
