ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
