Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
