Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
