Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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