I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
