i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
