I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
