Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
