Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
