My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
