Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
