He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
