What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
