it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
