Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
