she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my shit smells like andre
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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