Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
