In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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