theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize