can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
