I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
