I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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