so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
