What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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