I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize