Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
