There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
