and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
