Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
